What does DC SOUPLY mean, even?

Easy. SOUPLY means Sad, Overpaid, Underperforming, and Probably Lost Yesterday.


Let me tell you, folks, I’m sad. Been doing this for a few decades now.


At some point I’ll drop a few actual numbers in here, but there are countless articles. Here’s just one 2019 tweet about the Washington Football Team:


Other than the Capitals (2018 Stanley Cup), who will remain our one shining star for a while longer, here are the last championships for the local teams:

Football Team: 1992.

Nationals: You mean this iteration of DC’s baseball team? None so far.

Wizards: 1978, but you have to go back to when they were the Bullets, so I could technically say None.

DC United: 2004.

Mystics: None, though admittedly they are getting closer than most of the other local teams.

Spirit: None, though they made the finals in 2016.

Local College Basketball: Look, I’m only going to talk about teams actually in the DC area. Virginia just won the NCAA tournament, but they’re over 100 miles from DC. The only real local college basketball teams are Maryland Men and Women, and Georgetown Men. Of those, Maryland (my alma mater) won in 2002 (Men) and 2006 (Women). Georgetown Men last won in 1984. (I could include George Mason Mens, who went to the Final Four in 2006, but they didn’t win a championship, so that doesn’t really help. Also, they are outside the beltway, so if we’re being purists here, no.)

Local College Football: Since Georgetown doesn’t have a football team, we’re really only talking about the Maryland team here, and they haven’t been national champions since 1953.

Face it. The local sports fans who actually remember a national title are getting long in the tooth. Like me.

Probably Lost Yesterday

Statistically, it’s pretty accurate:

Capitals, 10 year win percentage: 58.8%

Football Team, 10 year win percentage: 41.5%

Nationals, 10 year win percentage: 52.2%

Wizards, 10 year win percentage: 46.9%

DC United, 10 year win percentage: 33.1%

Even for our banner teams – the Caps and Nats – there’s not much better than a 50/50 shot they won yesterday.

You know, I’m not even going to list the Mystics, Spirit, and college teams. It’s exhausting. I’m already DEAD.

Who are the DEADs?

Well, we are, my DC sports fan friend. We’re Depressed, Exhausted, And Downtrodden, making us all a little DEAD Inside.

Who the heck is running this joint?

I am a lifelong DC area resident and sports fan. I really, really want them to win. Like all the time. And so, I tend to be really, really sad about it. I’m just venting. Don’t take anything personally.

Also, if anything on this site makes me sound the least bit “in the know” about sports – especially sports statistics – you need to be aware that I just have the Google.